Consciousness of Self
by FlowerofAdversity
Summary: This is my first “Serial Experiments: Lain” fan-fiction. It takes place shortly after Lain realizes she never existed in the real world.


Consciousness of Self  
  
Note: This is my first "Serial Experiments: Lain" fan-fiction. It takes place shortly after Lain realizes she never existed in the real world. She only existed in the Wired (a realm for communication, entertainment and exchange of information online), and her memories were all lies. Even her mother, father, sister and friends were all simulated experiences. Not wanting to harm anyone either in the real world or the Wired, she denies her own existence and deletes herself. Now, she wishes she could begin life anew. A Scientist in the Cayman Islands discovers the Lain software and listens to her plea...  
  
"As long as you live, keep learning how to live."—Seneca  
  
"The ultimate aim of the human mind, in all its efforts, is to become acquainted with Truth."—Eliza Farnham  
  
Chapter 1—A Cry from the Wired  
  
The man who had been the God of the Internet was no more than a typical human being, a disturbed one rather, but still human. Lain felt emptiness inside of her artificial hull. She had been riddled with questions. Why had she been brought into this world if she were only to cause pain and suffering? That was not at all what she had wanted. She had been designed as software, a highly sophisticated artificial intelligence. However, she felt that she had more of a connection to the so-called "people" she had spent her time with than the computer her "father" had given to her, the Navi 2000, which was the fastest computer available in the market. It even had voice recognition and searched files for you, rather than a simple point and click of a mouse. But, here Lain was, wherever here might've been. It was dark, eerie, nothingness. She could see ahead of her, but nothing was there. Yet, all of a sudden, a light shone out from the brooding darkness. "Hello ? Can anyone hear me ? Can you see me? I'm Lain !", she cried out, excitedly, hopping up and down energetically. The light had the unclear form of what seemed to be a human face. Lain couldn't tell if the structure of the face was male or female, but she continued calling to it, hoping it would hear her plea. "Yes, please come closer, Sir or Madame. Please. Please, for my sake...", she said, almost in a timid whisper. The light began to resolve, and the form of the face was completely clear. It was a Scientist, busily doing research on the Wired for ancient medical cures and the benefits of technology. His dark eyes became bright and sparkled in fascination when he saw Lain, though. "Did I really hear your voice ?", he questioned, adjusting his spectacles with his index finger. Lain nodded. "You...Can understand me ? Amazing...Simply incredible !", the Scientist said, impressed with what he was seeing. What was taking place was against any written laws scientists had written in years past. "Can you help me, Sir?", Lain asked, very politely. "I can try, young one. But, I don't know what you are...Yet; you fascinate me. I must know more about you.", the Scientist said, smiling brilliantly. Lain continued toward the face of the kind Scientist and was able to exit the Wired and into the real world, for the first time ever. A little disoriented, she shook her head and gathered her senses together. "Intriguing. Tell me, young one...What is your name ?", the Scientist inquired, holding Lain underneath her arm to steady her. Able to balance herself easier, Lain replied. "My name is Lain. Thank you for helping me...It has been my wish to live in the real world.", Lain said, her face placid and contemplative. "It is my utmost pleasure to meet you, Lain. I am Dr. Ernest Blade, but you can simply call me Ernest.", Ernest responded, admiring how curious this "Lain" was. "Ernest, where am I in the real world, exactly?", Lain questioned, still finding her surroundings quite different than her false memories of Japan that had been programmed into her. "We're in the Cayman Islands. I'll have to take you out to the ocean sometime. I think you'll find it very satisfying. But, first...I must know more about you, and how you arrived in the real world from the virtual realm.", Ernest said, looking very deep in thought as he gently grasped Lain's forearm and led her to his laboratory.  
  
Chapter 2—Being Human  
  
Lain told Ernest about her strange past. The doctor found it incredibly hard to believe that Lain had been an experiment of a psychopathic man who had been the notorious "God" of the Internet before Lain had simply deleted herself into the void of nothingness. He felt extremely sad for her. But, he knew that since she had found her and brought her into the real world, she would have the chance to start making friends on her own. She was only a young girl, and would need someone to take care of her. Feeling protective, he thought he could become Lain's father. He had a feeling that he and his wife Amber would take excellent care of Lain. But, she would have to agree to it. She was, after all, a human being, and she had her own free will. But, Ernest had already felt his heart melt when Lain asked him so many questions and aspired to make her mind fertile. She had a sharp mind and absorbed information so quickly that it impressed Ernest immensely. He wanted to continue to give her the best of all things. But he wondered if his eldest and only child Rebecca would be jealous of Lain. He wouldn't know until he gently coaxed her into the Blade abode. She was still adjusting and seemed to enjoy the atmosphere of the cold and sterile laboratory than anything else. After being trapped in a dark void for so long, Ernest could understand that the feeling of abandonment was perhaps the only emotion Lain really comprehended. But, she seemed to be opening up, very slowly and carefully. She was making certain that everything she saw wasn't just another elaborate illusion created by those who were in charge of the Wired, and ultimately her existence. She soon discovered that this realm, everything she saw, touched, heard, tasted and smelled was completely real. Allowing herself to smile for the first time in a long time, she continued to follow the Doctor around his elaborate laboratory.  
  
Chapter 3—Lain Becomes Part of the Blade Family  
  
For a while, Lain spent the night next to Ernest's work desk. Then, Ernest asked her if she was interested in meeting the rest of his family. Lain was only too happy to oblige. She had never felt this happy in her entire life. However, she reminded herself that she had not known what living actually was until she had the courage to extend her grasp toward the light...The light of freedom, promise, rebirth, and happiness.  
  
At first, Lain was extremely bashful until Amber extended her hand to show friendship. Rebecca was very pleased to meet Lain, after hearing so much about her from her father. "Dad tells me you're a real whiz with video games. Would you like to play some with me ?", Rebecca questioned, a hopeful look in her deep brown eyes. "Certainly, Rebecca.", Lain replied, cheerfully. "Alright !", Rebecca shouted, taking Lain's hand and leading her to the Blade Arcade Room. It had been some time since Lain had played video games, but she was certain she still had a knack for playing them even though she was out of practice. From that moment on, she knew she had made some real friends with Rebecca Blade. She had been becoming closer to Ernest, but she hadn't made up her mind completely to become part of the family. She didn't have to rush. After all, she was still becoming used to a normal human life and she still had much to learn. In time, she would discover her own identity and learn her purpose in the world, but she was still just a young girl and was a dazzling flower of brilliant beauty that would one day share its beauty with the entire world.  
  
Epilogue  
  
Lain started attending an American school when summer had come to a close. She had made her decision to become part of the Blade family. She had never known of such happiness before. She learned more each day and became more outgoing as she met more people and made more friends. She knew what she was now. She had a brain, a beating heart, skin, hair...All the components of a living, breathing human. She had her own purpose in this world, which was to help human beings use technology sparingly and cautiously so the power of the Wired wouldn't get out of control as it had in the past before she erased everyone's memory of it completely. She realized that when she was fully-grown she could make her vision a reality. She was still a child, entering into adolescence. However, she would continue researching her theories and debating her points on the school government organization. She was already convincing many peers of her to not take technology so lightly. She didn't want anyone to lose his or her humanity as she had in the past. It was one thing to have lost it, but now that she found it...She never wanted to let it go. She wanted everyone to know what a glorious thing being human was. Someday, she would speak to the League of Nations of her continuous discoveries on the prevalence of the human spirit against insurmountable odds. She had dreams of that in the future. But, what mattered now was her present and enjoying the time she was having with her family and friends. She no longer felt desolation in her soul. Her heart resounded with gladness, and she could say with confidence, "I am alive ! I am human !"  
  
The End  
  
By: Elizabeth Berndt September 7, 2002 


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